Stretching our elastic bands

I’ve been thinking for a while about where I sit and how I fluctuate between a spectrum of opposites on a number of common areas I’m currently thinking about or trying to navigate at work.

I thought I’d share in case some of these binaries highlight and support reflection amongst others and provide a sense of reassurance that we can always bounce back along the elastic band, to occupy and try out the other side — both ends and often the elusive middle ground are within us!

A wise person once told me that often we can fall into a pattern of inhabiting one extreme of the elastic band, secretly shielding a deep desire for what’s at the other end, if that makes sense? In myself I’ve found the idea of the elastic band a breakthrough to help me recognise a strong feeling is often masking the opposite. Confusing huh!?

From independence to interdependence

For years I held (and still do) a deep pride in my independence. I’d demonstrate it brazenly at every turn; going on holiday in the Middle East alone, being single for nearly a decade, embedding myself into communities that weren’t mine, always being an outsider. But gradually (and with help) I started to see that I was deeply in need of connection, and afraid of something within me that had the potential to become dependent (what horror!!). It wasn’t until I discovered the concept of ‘interdependence’ whilst at Corrymeela I found new strength to feel more comfortable within the spectrum. It sounds silly, but I didn’t know there was another side. I thought there was just one side to me.

Discovering and playing with some of the other opposites that come up for me often or I see within my work I find really helpful and reassuring. The metaphor of the elastic band helps me to discover the right place for me to be on the elastic right now, without stretching it to breaking point.

I’ve learnt we’re never that far from the other side — in-fact we were connected all along, we just need to let ourselves spring back to meet the other side of the elastic band.

Where do you sit? What binaries or opposites come up for you regularly in yourself or mirrored at you through work?

Power with vulnerability?

What is the opposite of holding power? I know that within holding power there can be space for great vulnerability (within careful boundaries) and I love some of Brene Brown’s words on this. But when I describe how I feel it can sometimes be either of the two extremes — powerful and ready to face the day or full of vulnerability, fear and stress of not being enough. For me power and vulnerability feel like they’re in opposition.

With ‘identity’ I was trying to articulate my search for opposites to describe a high identity, (and perhaps therefore exclusionary) space or community vs a lacking in identity and therefore to a degree, inclusive space. What is the opposite of strong identity? Can strong identity also be combined with being highly inclusive — what are the examples of this done well? Can these spaces work without intention?

Finding the middle ground

Something that I’m trying to learn and identify in my journey is to look for the middle ground. Facilitation in between leadership and follower-ship — but perhaps that doesn’t address the confidence and agency needed to step into this role? And what happens when a facilitator leads?

Is collaboration the opposite of control? Or is it letting go? What are your ideas for the missing middle grounds in between these extremes?

Please join the discussion and comment below to share your thoughts and experiences.